Your Blogville Police Department would like to offer a brief update on the current investigation into the circumcis...dang...circumstances surrounding the break in, theft and kidnapping which occured at Mayor Furter's residence. We are aware that there is great public interest in this case and we assure you that we share your concern and we are working dillinger...er...dilligently to solve this crime.
Through interviews conducted by myself
and my very capable Chief Deputy Zona, we have officially cleared the subject known publicly as Puddles. She is no longer a suspect. We thank her for her cooperation. Discoveries at the scene and her initial inability to remember her whereabouts and actions on the night in question resulted in further questioning. There was also the slight problem of her proper identification. She did have difficulties providing proper proof of her full identity, however we have cleared her in this matter. Despite her inability to clarify her legal last name, she has been exonerated.
We want to reassure the public that we continue to interview witnesses and our Chief Detective, Pip will be handling this investigation upon the completion of our interviews. Another report will be made tomorrow, Saturday, morning regarding this situation. Thank you for your patience as we continue our thorough work. We remind you that the wheels of the bus...dang...(off mic: DAAAAD, how's that go again? Oh, right, got it!) The wheels of justice go round a...(DAAADD, yeah, okay.) The wheels of justice turn slowly, but in the end, we will get our man or critter.
Thank you.
Sarge, Chief Of Police
Zona, Chief Deputy
Pip, Chief of Detectives
Mona, Civilian Desk Clerk