March 29, 2012

Thursday Torture

Hey everyone!
Wow, the other day my peeps got all out-of-hand and beyond my control!  I have a great big gripe for the complaint department.

So, to start with, my peeps left me.  They do that all the time and I never have a sense of humor about it.  Well, they left me and must have gone way, way, way, far away.

When they (finally) came back, they brought this massive box in with them.  Okay, I give.  Moooooommmmmm, what's in the box?????

I took a good look at the box and it said "SHARK" on it!    OMD OMD OMD
They lost their peep-minds and brought home Jaws.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to move out.

See?!?  Not only is it a SHARK, but it's a PROFESSIONAL SHARK.
Now, I'm no marine biologist, but I'm guessing that means this Jaws is better at shark things than the average Great White.  This is looking really bad to me.

So, then they start opening the box to let it out.  GASP!
Well, long story short (not really), it was not the ocean-type shark at all.  I thought it was pretty odd that the box wasn't leaking water all over my floor.  Anyway...when they are all done, here's what lived in the box:

That's right, my furiends!  It may not have been Jaws, but it was bad enough.  It's a new VACULA!  Man-O-Man I hate these things.  Obviously.  I tried my Sarge-est to scare it away, but it seems to be intent on staying.  My crazy Mom is going all squeeee for this nasty thing. 

You can see for yourself what I think of it.  She kept going on and on and on and on and on and on about it being such a great worker.  Whatever.  I will say it sucked up my floor-fur in great big (fast) gulps.  Okay, I get it....but I still don't like it.

On top of that, when I said they must have gone far far far away to get this beast, I wasn't kidding!  I checked them out and they apparently went clear all the way to China to get this thing!  Seriously, when I gave them a good whiffle, they had Oriental-smelling breath.  No doubt about it...they went to China while they were out.  At least they brought me some food in one of those white boxes.  It tasted a little funny, but I ate it anyway.  Had these little, iddy, biddy, tiny corn cobs in there.  Strange.  After that long a trip, it's a wonder they made it back at all!

Talk about torture.  See what I have to live with?!?
Grr and a Miffed Woof,
Sarge, Grouch


Finn said...

It's an example of the flake department
For sure Sarge! Going to China for a professional sharkie thing?!?! Yikes! Hope it isn't too loud!

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

CLEAR to CHINA to get a VACULA Shark?

Well, when Ernie and I get there the three of us will wait until THEY aren't watchin... and we will make THAT Hideous Scary thingy into...
Shark Fin Soup!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh no Sarge! a JAWS Vacula?!!! What lunacy will the peeps get up to next?! :O Paws crossed you conquer the beast.

Waggin at ya,

Berts Blog said...

Don't worry about that shark, if you email me (atten Bert) I can tell you how to take care of the ugly thing. Barking at it and attaching at the main part wont stop it, but there is this long black thing that is attached to it. Well that is like the umbilicle cord to its power source. Now don't just grab it and chew, you have to contact me first and I'll tell you how. Until then. Watch your back dude.


Angels Amber and Max DaWeenie and Mom said...

Oh dis is bad....really bad! Me is still fighting Count Vacula at my house too. And if yours gulped up all your furs, maybe it was just practicin fur da BIG GULP! Dat would be YOU, me furiend! Be very afraid!

GOOSE said...

I love how you tried to scare the Professional Shark. It might have worked on a ordinary shark but it's going to take a lot more to scare a professional.
I have made peace with ours. In fact when it comes out I refuse to move. "Just push that thing right around me MOM, this is my turf."

3 doxies said...

Dis is wrong on so many levels. Oooooh wheres do I begin...furst they LEFT you without go to CHINA of all places...only to bring home a SHARK. Like you really wanted a shark to begin withs.
You may need some therapies after dis.


Backcountry Brodie said...

You made it SCREAM, Sarge. You bitey it, BITEY IT! Take THAT you sharkula!

Matilda the Boxer said...

Oh noes! How could they do that to you?!

Millie and Walter said...

Sarge you gave it a good try to put that thing in its place. Good luck subduing it for good.


Anna the GSD said...

Keep your eyes on it moves around does it have it's own theme music? Dun duh...dun duh......

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

Whew, you had us worried for a while there about that shark! Lightning says he would be willing to try to eat it for you. He chews everything.

Mom says to let us know how well it works, she is always on the watch for a good vacula.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

Bassetmomma said...

China? Shark? Next thing you know they'll be making you eat shark fin soup!

Ruby and Penny said...

We are glad you aren't afraid of sharks Sarge.
Get it. Bite it.
Love Ruby & Penny

Golden Daily Scoop said...

Show 'em who's boss!!!

Dachshund Nola said...

This is so wrong! You can stay with me if they dont stop being so flakey!
Dachshund Nola

K9 Katastrophie said...

I bet Zona is oooing and ahhing over your bravery! Your peeps are very flakey;)


Bella Roxy & Macdui said...

You are sooooooooo brave. We just leave the room when our Vacula starts up....and it doesn't squeeee.

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

Remington said...

It certainly looks like you are NOT afraid of that! I like chasing ours around too.... Just think -- they keep the floor clean for's like fresh bedding everyday!

Zona said...

Hi Sarge!!! I snuck onto my mom's work laptop to paw a few pals. I cannot BELIEVE the horror you have to live with! I would invite you here but my mom went to some strange land where a man talks with an accent about vacuums and bathroom hand dryers to get her vacula. She named it Dyson. Why do peeps insist on these things?? I happen to like our balls of furs floating around the house for all to admire!!

Sympathetic wags,

Asta said...

I think you awe vewy bwave to stick awound and wait fow that Shawk box to be opened

I had to look away and I was aweady planning on sending you a ticket so you could move in wif me

Thank dog it wasn't jaws, but you'we wight..thhis is bad enuff
As fow leaving you long enuff to go to China, and then only bwinging you teeny tiny cown?
Sheeeesh, I'm speechless
Smoochie kisses

Alien said...

So sharks come in boxes....This planet fascinates me.


Boondocks Love Shack Pack said...

Wow, Sarge, you are so brave!!

Boondocks & The Love Shack Pack

Hoke said...

Oh no!!!! Vacula will suck up your toys!!!! Stay away from that beast and keep your toys safe!!!

Wyatt said...

You are a very brave warrior, Sarge!
Death to Vaculas!! ....But, my mom wants me to ask you if it was good at picking up the dog hair?


Scooter said...

Oh MAN!! I feel fur ya Sarge. Nice attack but guy~~you gotta bark at it!!!! Maybe then it will go away!!


Two French Bulldogs said...

Why they love orturing us with monsters we'll never know! No a shark, poor Sarge
Benny & Lily

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Sarge, you must be so totally brave to fight a Shark! Wowza and we heard that thing crying like a baby. You rock Sarge. We have a cleaner thingy too but we just don't care about it. Rory says it takes too much effort to move off his bed to bark at it. It does seem like an awfully long way to go to get a Vacula though. Silly peeps. Have a great weekend. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

Murphy said...

Looks to me that no good can come from that shark. Stay alert Sarge!

Meeka said...

Yikes! Stay away from it. Those sharkies have sharp teeth.

sprinkles said...

I always have to throw my dogs out when I vacuum. Neither one of them like it.

Unknown said...

Your a good helper Sarge, Your Momma is very proud of you :D

Dog Shock Collar | Puppy & Human Bond

animal lover, quilt lover said...

It is a hard life you live Sarge that is for sure!!! You know you can always come live with me, I never vacuum!!! I never well hardly ever go to China either!!
You come now!!