September 29, 2012

Snicker Saturday...Jokes

A Good Chess Player
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

These Chickens Want Books
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

Top 9 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password
9. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of "CyberDog."
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

Alligator Shoes
A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!".
So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive as it came closer.
Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several were already laying.  Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!".

Okay, so feel free to groan now!  BWAR HAR HAR
Booooo, these are so  bad.
Grr and a Laughing Woof,
Sarge, COP


Anonymous said...

OMD. BOL! Thanks for the snickers Sarge! Specially luv the chicken and frog story BOL!

Waggin at ya,

Unknown said...

BOL Sarge , Thanks for the laugh this morning. Have a lovely Saturday.
Best wishes Molly

Lovable Lily said...

Oh Sarge you crack us up!

Happy Saturday.

Lily Belle & Muffin

GOOSE said...

I love starting the day with a good snicker. Thanks Sarge. And let me say...Bawhahhahaha

Boo21's Mom said...

Groan! Thanks for the snickers!

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

Sarge THESE are real TAIL THUMPERS fur SURE. Love the Chicken one...Must be beclaws MOM was a librarian or somethingy like that.

Sankissjuice said...

Hehehe, I don't think these are bad. I laughed. But then again, I like bad jokes, muahahahaha.


Finn said...

You are a silly one Sarge! I like the ones about the books and the frog. Readit! Have a good Saturday!

Oskar said...

BOL, you had me on the floor laffin!

Nubbin wiggles,

Murphy said...

BOL! You are in top form today Sarge!

Your friends,

Murphy & Stanley

Bella Roxy & Macdui said...

Good ones, Sarge! BOL!

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Howdy Sarge, we love the chicken and frog one too. Thanks for the laughs mate. No worries and love, Stella and Rory

My Dog Sam - Ruptured Disk said...

Those were pretty good Sarge. We had a good chuckle.

Two French Bulldogs said...

Aaahhhh, BOL
Benny & Lily

Uji, Angel Izzy, Ziggy, Angel Bean, Angel Hiro and Momma Tea said...

Dems wos funnisome Sarge so in fanks wee will givs yoo dis one------------
A bear walks into a bar and says ' Bartender, I'd like a gin...................................................................................................................................................................... and tonic'. The bartender says ' sure but what's with the big pause'